Graham Smith is the Coolest Person Alive

by Kleenex Girl Wonder



The second Kleenex Girl Wonder album, and the first CD released on MOC, which is short for Mexico o Ciudad, which is meaningless. The cover scan is a little mealy, but that's basically what it actually looked like.


released January 20, 1998

(c) Graham Smith. Also featuring "The Talented Mr. Giba" (Jeffery Giba) on track 9. No copyrights for him though.


all rights reserved


Track Name: The Bostonians
I heard the Bostonians
Keeping classic thoughts in their throats
Sowing their domesticated oats
Can’t it wait?

You have to remember when things get rough
The train will be hitting you soon enough
So cry or get off the tracks
If you didn’t have a handle, you wouldn’t have an axe

You’ll never know, you’ll never know
You’ll never know, you’ll never know
He says if I can’t ever know, I don’t wanna know

I can see the Bostonians
The trick is to cover your eyes
When they reappear you realize
Can’t you hear them now?

Things that I don’t know are not important to me
So I am a Bostonian, if that’s what I want to be

You’ll never know etc.

I don’t need the Bostonians
Telling me what they see as the deal
Constantly upgrading their appeal
Can’t you hear them now?

It’s what you wanted to be not so long ago
Don’t waste time trying to learn what you don’t need to know
I heard the Bostonians singing a famous song
You’re a citizen of where you are, not where you belong

You’ll never know etc...
Track Name: Five Minutes
Five more minutes to rock
Five more minutes to roll
Five more minutes to rock
Five more minutes to rock and roll
That’s five minutes left till we rock
Only five minutes to go
Five minutes less on the clock
Five more minutes that I’ll never know

I can’t sit down, I have to stand but
I can’t stand the feeling of falling down around you
Look pretty, but it’s a big city
And time’s running out, hey look now there’s only

Five more minutes to rock
The last of the thirty we get
FIve short minutes to rock
Five more minutes to finish up the set
But what’s five minutes to rock?
And what’s five minutes to me?
An infinitesimal fraction
Of the grand scheme of history

I paid five dollars for a half-assed half-hour
And tomorrow they’ll say that no one else rocks like you
Can’t rock, you can’t roll
But put them together and it’s rock and roll
It’s just five minutes, our hearts weren’t in it
It’s not even a living, it’s just something to do
On the weekends, and it’s my only weakness
Cause it’s rock and roll
And I could be wrong
But what’s in a song?

Five more minutes to rock
Five more minutes to roll
Five more minutes to rock
Five more minutes to rock and roll
Track Name: Mildly Obsessed
Sometimes I start thinkin’, baby
And sometimes I forget
I know that you’ve been thinkin’ lately
Have you decided yet?

I’m living for the nightlife
The chicks of last nights past
I can’t escape the truth, though,
And it’s catching up real fast

I know that you don’t want me, baby
But there's nothing I can do
I get fi-fi-fi-fixated baby
I can only think of you

This always seems to happen
But I never could have guessed
Don’t bring your ass around
Because I’m mildly obsessed
Track Name: Put It On the Desk
Strike your crimson moonlit chimes
Shake a hairy fist
For these are stable and clumsy rhymes that we have heard a hundred times

Put your heart above your head, it's pointless to resist
"Sometimes," he said, "I drink," he said, "before I go to bed."

He said just put it on the desk
I'll get to it tomorrow when I look at the rest
I can't just ask for anything, it isn't my request
I better learn to shut my mouth, try hard, and do my best
And just put it on the desk

The effort you waste with anticipation
Reduces the quality of your participation
I blame my eyes for my scandalous debt
I thought that what you see is what you get

So just put it on at dusk, it looks much better in the dark
There's some things you can't trust
So put your head before your heart

Just put it on a disk
We'll give it to the brains of steel which settle in the mist
Subtly but suddenly exclaiming, "We exist!"
And waste no time to stand up and salute the ones you've kissed
For they're the ones who've built you
Track Name: Road to San Francisco
Feel free to touch her many hearts
And please retreat the moment you feel complete
I don't know when I'm going there, or why
Please don't ask me to explain, or even lie

And if I saw the future, I would pay it no regard
Just cause something's difficult doesn't always mean it's hard

And just cause something's beautiful doesn't always mean it's good
But don't bother with such trifles, just get your things and go
And if I lose my soul on the way to San Francisco
Leave my empty body in the middle of the road
Track Name: Moses Alone
I didn’t think you were built like that
You fall into bed at the drop of hat
And what’s worse, I’d protect you
But I’d rather inspect you
And direct you to a radical goodnight

But we are made of a deeper fabric
You use intelligence, I’ll use magic
It’s easy enough but it’s not automatic
And it’s tiring

We will be alone together, will we be alone forever?

You say I don’t confuse you, I’ve realized I spite you
I’ll realize I’ve hurt you, and yet I’ll try to fight you
Ahhhh, ahhh, ahh, I’ve been waiting too long

And you’re looking at me as if they were mine
And I have to admit that you are out of line
And I’m biting my tongue and I’m biding my time and and I’m waiting

We’ll be alone together, we will be alone forever

I ran as far as I could
But there was nothing in sight
And that was good
Track Name: Julie & Barbara
The lovebirds do not sit-- they perch
On the porch at their house or the eave of their church
I feel the program is complete
And I am asleep in the catbird seat
As if we were watching some wild show
Where the music is sweet but the temper is low
“Introducing the world’s most dangerous twins”
When one hits the finish, the other begins

Even the incapable cannot avoid suspicion
What seems to be the future is only the transition
To another grade that you can’t make
It’s a dream that’s better had awake

The greyhound's shuffle will reach high tide
And the dirty half dozen gets pumped for the ride
We can watch the fox get off of his rump
And admire the frustration of a pro in “the slump”

We're dancing hogs who twirl so quick
We’ll blur as you watch us with eyes fast and thick
The temperature fluctuates violently
As if refusing to be gauged by mere mercury
We mimic the creatures we try to eclipse
For a face that has anchored a million ships
A vision that’s ancient but feels so fresh
An idolatrous mixture of feathers and flesh
Track Name: You Need Me
There’s a flagrant plague upon this town
Because in is out and up is down
Right is left and north is south
And no sweet words flow from your mouth
But there’s no great terror around because
Truth is stronger now than it ever was
Like a ten-ton truck, like a ten-foot wall
Like a goddamn tower that cannot fall

There’s a unknown force in my universe
It’s a stable situation but it’s getting worse
We look all around, above, and behind
But the end of the road is all we find
The common barrier, the rubber curtain
Only then will we know for certain
There’s a really good chance that the fuse will blow
But I tell you woman, cause you gotta know
You need me

Now don’t think twice like you did before
Otherwise you’ll need me that much more
I know it’ll bite when the bitch takes the bait
When that clock hits eight, baby don’t be late
So dig up your corpses look in their eyes
Raid the wardrobe to complete your disguise
Put your arm in a vice, put your hair in a smock
Put your hands on your hips and just rock rock rock

Yeah, rock
Track Name: I Invented the Drums feat. The Right Hor'ble Mr. Giba
Track Name: Ponyoak
I’ve often wondered, does she have a heart?
Is she beautiful, is she smart?
Maybe there was something that I didn’t know
It was long ago

Sometimes I get thinking, is she a threat?
Just another gamble or a sure bet?
Maybe sometime later I will get the joke

The one that gets away will not come back
And even if you look for her, she’s dead
The thing you need the most will be the thing that you can never ever have

I remember thinking that she was a ghost
One translucent image that was dangerously close
But now I’m getting closer to the things I feel
I know it’s real

I think she’s a professional, she’s done it all before
Driven some guy crazy and then locked her door
But maybe she’ll forget about the hearts she broke
At Ponyoak

Maybe she’ll forget about the songs I wrote
At Ponyoak
They all come here eventually
Every year of every century
And they multiply exponentially
At Ponyoak

Track Name: The Prince of the Major Leagues
And now, come and speak with the acrobats
And watch their faces turn from smile to frown
For I have seen them shade their eyes
And furrow their brows under thick disguise

For it’s only by jumping around they survive
God only knows what gives them their drive
They’ve all too often lost sight of their dreams
And followed the prince of the major leagues

So there, leave them sad on the side of the road
And watch their expressions fade as you drive away

Measure their jaws as they scream for you
“I could let go if I wanted to”

I promise that one day your hearts will collide
It’s not just for ornery fate to decide
I’ll get burnt by the torch that’s passed down to me
With love, from the prince of the major leagues
Track Name: Turn the Bitch Off
You’re comin’ down, we’re walking around
Our toes in the sand we sing hand in hand
Silver pillows are flyin’ by
Way up there in the big blue sky


Now that you’re here, your tongue in my ear
Your face in my eye, your hand on my thigh
Gimme love, gim-gimme love


Walking to school we jump in the pool
We take off our clothes and do god-only-knows
I don’t like it, no I don’t like it, bitch...

Track Name: Dog Protects Wife
When they’ve given you a salary, pretend you’ll dance all night
I forget what they have done to me-- I’m sure it was all right
I’m sure they’ll all have fun for me-- but pretty soon they’ll run from me
But carefully so they are only barely out of sight
And I’ll soak up all their grimaces when they get back
Cause one of their ladies has a fabulous rack
Is that the beginning or the end of my life?
Man protects dog, dog protects wife

Take it with a grain of salt-- there’s nothing you can’t lose
And if somebody’s arms will guard you does it matter whose?
As long as all the jobs get done and all the cracks get filled
No one will care who did the work and whose grey blood was spilled
Don’t cry for who you love-- romance is not your style
And if you have to break my heart then say it with a smile
My fate is unescapable, but luckily I’m capable
And though the end result is bad, the effort was worthwhile
We all have sat in the empty ranch waiting for something new
You’ll never give me what I want, but then again that’s you
Dodging the bullet to get hit with the gun
When the son protects the mother, who protects the son?
Is this my introduction to a whole new life?
Wife protects dog, dog protects wife
Track Name: Cavewoman
I got a cavewoman baby and she make me cry
I never know if it’s forever when she’s says goodbye
I never know how she is feeling cause she just won’t speak
But every time I see her face I just start feeling so weak
I got a cavewoman baby and she make me scream
Cause she’s around every corner and inside every dream
I don’t know if she has these type of feelings for me
I read her signs, between the lines but it’s a mystery
But I don’t think I could think without my cavewoman
Track Name: What Is Your Posture?
What is your posture?
Cold, glass, or red?
Do the bastards who sleep in your bed likewise share your dread
But I'd like instead to be shot through the heart
You can stop, you can start
You can change the things you can
But the things you can't are static
They perforated and tangible
But seldom this dramatic
So do you think that you could stare
Into the eyes of your impostor?
Will he always be there in the hot part of your roster?
Will your eyes be bright blue when they take your children to foster parents
Who see your point of view?
Baby what, baby what is your posture?
Are you giving up good for the little red hood?
Stand to profit from a felony and win?
Will you make up your mind and contact me in time?
Monogamy, geography, just stand up for yourself
Transatrophy, catastrophe, just stand up for yourself
Just stand up for yourself
Track Name: I Can't Humanize
Look at me from behind a pair of tired eyes
And when you step out from behind your withered axe
You'll realize you can't humanize

I am convinced it is too late for them, but for us, it is not even time
I'm sincere but I still feel like I'm feeding you a line
What's mine isn't yours and what's yours isn't mine
I can't humanize

Way to play me out!
Way to play me out!
Way to play me out!
Way to play me out!
I can't humanize
Track Name: Data for the Turtle in the Maze
I would see you but I don't know where to look
I couldn't feel it for however long it took
I can't read you, you are not an open book
But I need you like a fish needs a hook
And I'm still collecting data for the turtle in the maze

Where the sea meets the dock
And the slow doors unlock
I'm a faster daredevil from a different block
It's easy enough to call someone's bluff
But when it's your own, it's unbearably tough

And I can't take it anymore
It's pretty basic, no need for complex metaphor
I've tried to face it, but it's so easy to ignore
How long I've wasted traveling from door to door
And I'm still examining the data from my care-free college days

You know an easy way out?
Please tell me so I can grow

The main umpire groaned "The tournament's postponed"
Grab your wife and your child cause it's time to go home
I'm still collecting data from the turtle in the maze
Track Name: The Muscles-Into Mountains
by John McEntire
Track Name: Great Alcoholics
To the members of the dream team gathering dust:
You were once a great machine but now you sit unused and rust
I can hear your hearts beating hastily in soot
And listen as the blood drips from your head down to your foot

Their blood will go up in flames
You will watch them burn
And pretend that you knew their names
As you feign concern
The sun in the weary sky
Will ignite their skin
And then, you will watch them die
And rise again

To the owners of the public house who ominously lurk
And the coopers who all frequent it and scurry back to work
You cannot separate yourselves whoever you may be
It’s just a socio-political discrepancy

Their eyes will lock with yours
Your souls will touch
And that which the mind ignores
The heart shall clutch
As you sit at their funeral
You will feel their breath
It shall echo within your skull
A Genovesian death
Track Name: May Be Icy
I’ve been informed
It’s waiting for me every night
It’s stretched across highways made of gold
The interior is wonderful, but the shell is hard and cold
I’m not this way
I have adjusted drastically
In and of itself, that’s not so strange
My maximum discomfort comes when things change
It feels like drowning
And if I never swim again I’ll be fine
She wasn’t bad
She wasn’t anything special
Things have changed but not that much--
It’s still a long long way from look to touch
For we are only common people
Stranded on opposite sides of the sea
We’re different but mostly equal
But the bridge is icy tonight

I’ll come around
But then I’ll come around there again
I’m trying much too hard to see things in detail
If I put down the looking glass, then logic might prevail
I can not tell
If it’s worthwhile or a waste of time
I get caught in excess thought or apathy or envy
But realize it’s all for naught and mostly useless when we
Separate like oil and water
I remember it like yesterday
And baby, there was nothing hotter
But it’s probably icy tonight

Wouldn’t you like to know?
Cause I would really like to let you know...

And I’ll recognize the dog that bit me
As it sits somewhere behind your eyes
And like a bullet it will hit me
Oh I don’t know how fast time flies
But you were never really with me
And it may be icy tonight