Graham Smith is the Coolest Person Alive

by Kleenex Girl Wonder

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Will Frankland Graham smith I wish I was as cool as you Favorite track: May Be Icy.

Robert Coghill Graham Smith IS the coolest person alive.

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1.	The Bostonians 03:13	lyrics	buy track
I heard the Bostonians Keeping classic thoughts in their throats Sowing their domesticated oats Can’t it wait? You have to remember when things get rough The train will be hitting you soon enough So cry or get off the tracks If you didn’t have a handle, you wouldn’t have an axe You’ll never know, you’ll never know You’ll never know, you’ll never know He says if I can’t ever know, I don’t wanna know I can see the Bostonians The trick is to cover your eyes When they reappear you realize Can’t you hear them now? Things that I don’t know are not important to me So I am a Bostonian, if that’s what I want to be You’ll never know etc. I don’t need the Bostonians Telling me what they see as the deal Constantly upgrading their appeal Can’t you hear them now? It’s what you wanted to be not so long ago Don’t waste time trying to learn what you don’t need to know I heard the Bostonians singing a famous song You’re a citizen of where you are, not where you belong You’ll never know etc...
2.	Five Minutes 02:14	lyrics	buy track
Five more minutes to rock Five more minutes to roll Five more minutes to rock Five more minutes to rock and roll That’s five minutes left till we rock Only five minutes to go Five minutes less on the clock Five more minutes that I’ll never know I can’t sit down, I have to stand but I can’t stand the feeling of falling down around you Look pretty, but it’s a big city And time’s running out, hey look now there’s only Five more minutes to rock The last of the thirty we get FIve short minutes to rock Five more minutes to finish up the set But what’s five minutes to rock? And what’s five minutes to me? An infinitesimal fraction Of the grand scheme of history I paid five dollars for a half-assed half-hour And tomorrow they’ll say that no one else rocks like you Can’t rock, you can’t roll But put them together and it’s rock and roll It’s just five minutes, our hearts weren’t in it It’s not even a living, it’s just something to do On the weekends, and it’s my only weakness Cause it’s rock and roll And I could be wrong But what’s in a song? Five more minutes to rock Five more minutes to roll Five more minutes to rock Five more minutes to rock and roll
3.	Mildly Obsessed 01:00	lyrics	buy track
Sometimes I start thinkin’, baby And sometimes I forget I know that you’ve been thinkin’ lately Have you decided yet? I’m living for the nightlife The chicks of last nights past I can’t escape the truth, though, And it’s catching up real fast I know that you don’t want me, baby But there's nothing I can do I get fi-fi-fi-fixated baby I can only think of you This always seems to happen But I never could have guessed Don’t bring your ass around Because I’m mildly obsessed
4.	Put It On the Desk 03:22	lyrics	buy track
Strike your crimson moonlit chimes Shake a hairy fist For these are stable and clumsy rhymes that we have heard a hundred times Put your heart above your head, it's pointless to resist "Sometimes," he said, "I drink," he said, "before I go to bed." He said just put it on the desk I'll get to it tomorrow when I look at the rest I can't just ask for anything, it isn't my request I better learn to shut my mouth, try hard, and do my best And just put it on the desk The effort you waste with anticipation Reduces the quality of your participation I blame my eyes for my scandalous debt I thought that what you see is what you get So just put it on at dusk, it looks much better in the dark There's some things you can't trust So put your head before your heart Just put it on a disk We'll give it to the brains of steel which settle in the mist Subtly but suddenly exclaiming, "We exist!" And waste no time to stand up and salute the ones you've kissed For they're the ones who've built you
5.	Road to San Francisco 00:59	lyrics	buy track
Feel free to touch her many hearts And please retreat the moment you feel complete I don't know when I'm going there, or why Please don't ask me to explain, or even lie And if I saw the future, I would pay it no regard Just cause something's difficult doesn't always mean it's hard And just cause something's beautiful doesn't always mean it's good But don't bother with such trifles, just get your things and go And if I lose my soul on the way to San Francisco Leave my empty body in the middle of the road
6.	Moses Alone 02:46	lyrics	buy track
I didn’t think you were built like that You fall into bed at the drop of hat And what’s worse, I’d protect you But I’d rather inspect you And direct you to a radical goodnight But we are made of a deeper fabric You use intelligence, I’ll use magic It’s easy enough but it’s not automatic And it’s tiring We will be alone together, will we be alone forever? You say I don’t confuse you, I’ve realized I spite you I’ll realize I’ve hurt you, and yet I’ll try to fight you Ahhhh, ahhh, ahh, I’ve been waiting too long And you’re looking at me as if they were mine And I have to admit that you are out of line And I’m biting my tongue and I’m biding my time and and I’m waiting We’ll be alone together, we will be alone forever I ran as far as I could But there was nothing in sight And that was good
7.	Julie & Barbara 03:10	lyrics	buy track
The lovebirds do not sit-- they perch On the porch at their house or the eave of their church I feel the program is complete And I am asleep in the catbird seat As if we were watching some wild show Where the music is sweet but the temper is low “Introducing the world’s most dangerous twins” When one hits the finish, the other begins Even the incapable cannot avoid suspicion What seems to be the future is only the transition To another grade that you can’t make It’s a dream that’s better had awake The greyhound's shuffle will reach high tide And the dirty half dozen gets pumped for the ride We can watch the fox get off of his rump And admire the frustration of a pro in “the slump” We're dancing hogs who twirl so quick We’ll blur as you watch us with eyes fast and thick The temperature fluctuates violently As if refusing to be gauged by mere mercury We mimic the creatures we try to eclipse For a face that has anchored a million ships A vision that’s ancient but feels so fresh An idolatrous mixture of feathers and flesh
8.	You Need Me 01:56	lyrics	buy track
There’s a flagrant plague upon this town Because in is out and up is down Right is left and north is south And no sweet words flow from your mouth But there’s no great terror around because Truth is stronger now than it ever was Like a ten-ton truck, like a ten-foot wall Like a goddamn tower that cannot fall There’s a unknown force in my universe It’s a stable situation but it’s getting worse We look all around, above, and behind But the end of the road is all we find The common barrier, the rubber curtain Only then will we know for certain There’s a really good chance that the fuse will blow But I tell you woman, cause you gotta know You need me Now don’t think twice like you did before Otherwise you’ll need me that much more I know it’ll bite when the bitch takes the bait When that clock hits eight, baby don’t be late So dig up your corpses look in their eyes Raid the wardrobe to complete your disguise Put your arm in a vice, put your hair in a smock Put your hands on your hips and just rock rock rock Yeah, rock
9.	I Invented the Drums feat. The Right Hor'ble Mr. Giba 04:46	lyrics	buy track
Drums
10.	Ponyoak 03:20	lyrics	buy track
I’ve often wondered, does she have a heart? Is she beautiful, is she smart? Maybe there was something that I didn’t know It was long ago Sometimes I get thinking, is she a threat? Just another gamble or a sure bet? Maybe sometime later I will get the joke “Ponyoak” The one that gets away will not come back And even if you look for her, she’s dead The thing you need the most will be the thing that you can never ever have I remember thinking that she was a ghost One translucent image that was dangerously close But now I’m getting closer to the things I feel I know it’s real I think she’s a professional, she’s done it all before Driven some guy crazy and then locked her door But maybe she’ll forget about the hearts she broke At Ponyoak Maybe she’ll forget about the songs I wrote At Ponyoak They all come here eventually Every year of every century And they multiply exponentially At Ponyoak Ponyoak Ponyoak Ponyoak
11.	The Prince of the Major Leagues 01:43	lyrics	buy track
And now, come and speak with the acrobats And watch their faces turn from smile to frown For I have seen them shade their eyes And furrow their brows under thick disguise For it’s only by jumping around they survive God only knows what gives them their drive They’ve all too often lost sight of their dreams And followed the prince of the major leagues So there, leave them sad on the side of the road And watch their expressions fade as you drive away Measure their jaws as they scream for you “I could let go if I wanted to” I promise that one day your hearts will collide It’s not just for ornery fate to decide I’ll get burnt by the torch that’s passed down to me With love, from the prince of the major leagues
12.	Turn the Bitch Off 01:57	lyrics	buy track
You’re comin’ down, we’re walking around Our toes in the sand we sing hand in hand Silver pillows are flyin’ by Way up there in the big blue sky SHOOT 'EM DOWN Now that you’re here, your tongue in my ear Your face in my eye, your hand on my thigh Gimme love, gim-gimme love NOW Walking to school we jump in the pool We take off our clothes and do god-only-knows I don’t like it, no I don’t like it, bitch... I LOVE IT
13.	Dog Protects Wife 02:04	lyrics	buy track
When they’ve given you a salary, pretend you’ll dance all night I forget what they have done to me-- I’m sure it was all right I’m sure they’ll all have fun for me-- but pretty soon they’ll run from me But carefully so they are only barely out of sight And I’ll soak up all their grimaces when they get back Cause one of their ladies has a fabulous rack Is that the beginning or the end of my life? Man protects dog, dog protects wife Take it with a grain of salt-- there’s nothing you can’t lose And if somebody’s arms will guard you does it matter whose? As long as all the jobs get done and all the cracks get filled No one will care who did the work and whose grey blood was spilled Don’t cry for who you love-- romance is not your style And if you have to break my heart then say it with a smile My fate is unescapable, but luckily I’m capable And though the end result is bad, the effort was worthwhile We all have sat in the empty ranch waiting for something new You’ll never give me what I want, but then again that’s you Dodging the bullet to get hit with the gun When the son protects the mother, who protects the son? Is this my introduction to a whole new life? Wife protects dog, dog protects wife
14.	Cavewoman 01:40	lyrics	buy track
I got a cavewoman baby and she make me cry I never know if it’s forever when she’s says goodbye I never know how she is feeling cause she just won’t speak But every time I see her face I just start feeling so weak I got a cavewoman baby and she make me scream Cause she’s around every corner and inside every dream I don’t know if she has these type of feelings for me I read her signs, between the lines but it’s a mystery But I don’t think I could think without my cavewoman
15.	What Is Your Posture? 02:32	lyrics	buy track
What is your posture? Cold, glass, or red? Do the bastards who sleep in your bed likewise share your dread But I'd like instead to be shot through the heart You can stop, you can start You can change the things you can But the things you can't are static They perforated and tangible But seldom this dramatic So do you think that you could stare Into the eyes of your impostor? Will he always be there in the hot part of your roster? Will your eyes be bright blue when they take your children to foster parents Who see your point of view? Baby what, baby what is your posture? Are you giving up good for the little red hood? Stand to profit from a felony and win? Will you make up your mind and contact me in time? Monogamy, geography, just stand up for yourself Transatrophy, catastrophe, just stand up for yourself Just stand up for yourself
16.	I Can't Humanize 05:02	lyrics	buy track
Look at me from behind a pair of tired eyes And when you step out from behind your withered axe You'll realize you can't humanize I am convinced it is too late for them, but for us, it is not even time I'm sincere but I still feel like I'm feeding you a line What's mine isn't yours and what's yours isn't mine I can't humanize Way to play me out! Way to play me out! Way to play me out! Way to play me out! I can't humanize
17.	Data for the Turtle in the Maze 02:32	lyrics	buy track
I would see you but I don't know where to look I couldn't feel it for however long it took I can't read you, you are not an open book But I need you like a fish needs a hook And I'm still collecting data for the turtle in the maze Where the sea meets the dock And the slow doors unlock I'm a faster daredevil from a different block It's easy enough to call someone's bluff But when it's your own, it's unbearably tough And I can't take it anymore It's pretty basic, no need for complex metaphor I've tried to face it, but it's so easy to ignore How long I've wasted traveling from door to door And I'm still examining the data from my care-free college days You know an easy way out? Please tell me so I can grow The main umpire groaned "The tournament's postponed" Grab your wife and your child cause it's time to go home I'm still collecting data from the turtle in the maze
18.	The Muscles-Into Mountains 02:11	lyrics	buy track
by John McEntire
19.	Great Alcoholics 01:46	lyrics	buy track
To the members of the dream team gathering dust: You were once a great machine but now you sit unused and rust I can hear your hearts beating hastily in soot And listen as the blood drips from your head down to your foot Their blood will go up in flames You will watch them burn And pretend that you knew their names As you feign concern The sun in the weary sky Will ignite their skin And then, you will watch them die And rise again To the owners of the public house who ominously lurk And the coopers who all frequent it and scurry back to work You cannot separate yourselves whoever you may be It’s just a socio-political discrepancy Their eyes will lock with yours Your souls will touch And that which the mind ignores The heart shall clutch As you sit at their funeral You will feel their breath It shall echo within your skull A Genovesian death
20.	May Be Icy 03:58	lyrics	buy track
I’ve been informed It’s waiting for me every night It’s stretched across highways made of gold The interior is wonderful, but the shell is hard and cold I’m not this way I have adjusted drastically In and of itself, that’s not so strange My maximum discomfort comes when things change It feels like drowning And if I never swim again I’ll be fine She wasn’t bad She wasn’t anything special Things have changed but not that much-- It’s still a long long way from look to touch For we are only common people Stranded on opposite sides of the sea We’re different but mostly equal But the bridge is icy tonight I’ll come around But then I’ll come around there again I’m trying much too hard to see things in detail If I put down the looking glass, then logic might prevail I can not tell If it’s worthwhile or a waste of time I get caught in excess thought or apathy or envy But realize it’s all for naught and mostly useless when we Separate like oil and water I remember it like yesterday And baby, there was nothing hotter But it’s probably icy tonight Wouldn’t you like to know? Cause I would really like to let you know... And I’ll recognize the dog that bit me As it sits somewhere behind your eyes And like a bullet it will hit me Oh I don’t know how fast time flies But you were never really with me And it may be icy tonight

about

The second Kleenex Girl Wonder album, and the first CD released on MOC, which is short for Mexico o Ciudad, which is meaningless. The cover scan is a little mealy, but that's basically what it actually looked like.

credits

released January 20, 1998

(c) Graham Smith. Also featuring "The Talented Mr. Giba" (Jeffery Giba) on track 9. No copyrights for him though.

license

about

Kleenex Girl Wonder New York, New York

A prolific songwriter, a cracking tight independent indie rock band for live entertainment, and a fine art parody magazine about what computers think about human thoughts about their fine art