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We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.


by Kleenex Girl Wonder

Basic Square exclusive
Why do people even NEED a museum world? Naming rights aside, even I can't keep up. It's like: I've got other things to do, and my feet hurt. Funny how, in private, we admit who we've become, as though we could be relieved of our weird fevers, or nobody would dream we would stoop to believe in some knuckle- cracking bureaucracy of lean beavers in perpetuity — but 'we all have our reasons.' Me? I let sleeping dogs bite my demons. Now I can awaken refreshed, with less clean-up! Like 'em? Keep 'em, they start out sweet but once they get a taste for meat, it's like nothing can bleed enough. Dang hive mind caught amnesia! Meanwhile you're characterized as a genius! Sure is convenient, and talk ain't cheap, but you'll need every memory and belief just to keep up: No one loves impostors, except for cheaters. No one knows how God works, Q.E.D. church. Human beings are awkward, complex creatures, lewd, needy, and cheap — you can leave it with me! For all the dogs have to eat is this t-shirt, cheese curds... oh, there's some beef in the freezer. Like no one else has a ska Weezer with three nerds 't rehearse and really try to redefine "teamwork!?" See: if you don't love more, you leave more. This is not a gossip column in a magazine, or a convenient machine, something you need speech for. We find you. Denying you can even hear us doesn't make it MORE true. The nearest door before you's behind you, in spirit. Your only exit may be going against it. Ignore the—oops! Ahem. The shrewdest hedge against what's looming overhead? For every new request to keep refueling jets that never rest, accruing debt, expect to be refused except if you contribute petrol to the Fed. Furlough troops, turbo-boost our supercomputers, science and tech to future-proof our cyberdefense. Again, let's see how kooky it gets before we argue who'll be next. Between you and me, you'd be the best; that being said, who'd clean up the mess? So you can guess... though the usual improvement measures made the crew depressed, new exclusive paid UX reviews suggest a huge success: losing more, producing less. Extrapolate our usage trends, leak 'em to the press! For the customer makes the news; the suckers wade through what's left. Conduct some interviews, peruse the bulletin boards and threads. Hey, these are just full of retorts, and a few self-fulfilling laments? You said you wanted to be upset, and this is what you get. Disconnect! We're so circumspect, we need to circle back. Let's reflect: you're a nervous wreck, I'm the faith you lack and yet reject, you should work on that. Sorry, for context, you're out of pocket, luck, and whack, mostly ghostly, stuck in a past you turned to stone, and then to math, and then a corner; filled an urn with myrrh & metatarsal bones, against proportionate attacks. One foot left like tempered glass ("as ... in a furnace" — only learned after the fact) and as it shattered, you were asked to follow up... except you haven't. Trolley problem, tenure track: haunting loneliness is back, it seems — like God. It's only Hamlet — Jesus, can You even act? Cheating death is holy magic — meaning, ditto income tax. When each fleeting breath might be sublime, sacrilege, our last —


released February 23, 2024


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Kleenex Girl Wonder New York, New York

A prolific songwriter, a cracking tight independent indie rock band for live entertainment, and a fine art parody magazine about what computers think about human thoughts about their fine art

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