The Best Shape of My Life

from The Comedy Album by Kleenex Girl Wonder

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"The Comedy Album" is the 13th and most epic Kleenex Girl Wonder record.

26 songs, covering a variety of genres, styles, and production methods, written and recorded over the course of two years, and now available on two slabs of strikingly coloured vinyl (some 'Comedy Blue,' some 'Bazooka Joke Pink').

Featuring guest production from Max Tundra, Saskrotch, and The Hood Internet, plus the usual suspects of Graham Smith, Matt LeMay and Thayer McClanahan.

Includes unlimited streaming of The Comedy Album via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

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lyrics

I put a picture of my dick on Facebook,
and then I slipped into a hole when they took
my profile down.
Even though everybody knows by now:
I’m just a shallow narcissist and I don't close my mouth
when I breathe.
That's why they unfriend me.
That's why I lay upon my bathroom floor for more than ten weeks,
self-medicating with menthol cigarettes and Hennessey.
I swear these 50 fexofenadine will be the death of me!

But it's true:
it's not fair,
it's not cool,
it's not right.
You're listening to Belle and Sebastian in the middle of the night!
Meanwhile, I'm in the best shape of my life.

So do you like me now?
Going hard in the paint
to retrieve a rebound.
When it started to rain,
the mascara streamed down my face.
Now it's only a clown
that's leaving, someday,
for some reason, somehow...

I put my music gear into self-storage,
and got a separate one to sleep in in Norridge.
I figured it out:
I'll build a time machine like Primer,
then go turn it around.
My future couldn't get much dimmer,
but my past is like a cloud
of radium, the size of a stadium.
Who's got time for brandywine and laudanum and ladyfriends?
Nobody, as it turns out, but still the déclasseé pretend
that they are way more homo sapiens than homo sapiens.

And it's cool,
it's fine,
it's house rules.
It's alright.
I'm missing out on so much action;
this play within a play is just a lie about a lie.
It's kinda like when
I say I'm in the best shape of my life

in People Magazine.
It doesn't work as a yardstick ‘cause people haven't seen
the shape I was at birth, and all the ones that came between
the ones I love and me.
Now it seems
I am strongest when
invisible to everybody

but see, I'm in the best shape of my life.