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Certificate of Authentic Selfishness

from The Comedy Album by Kleenex Girl Wonder

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  • Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    "The Comedy Album" is the 13th and most epic Kleenex Girl Wonder record.

    26 songs, covering a variety of genres, styles, and production methods, written and recorded over the course of two years, and now available on two slabs of strikingly coloured vinyl (some 'Comedy Blue,' some 'Bazooka Joke Pink').

    Featuring guest production from Max Tundra, Saskrotch, and The Hood Internet, plus the usual suspects of Graham Smith, Matt LeMay and Thayer McClanahan.

    Includes unlimited streaming of The Comedy Album via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 7 days

      $26 USD or more 

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  • Full Digital Discography Full Digital Discography

    Get all 25 Kleenex Girl Wonder releases available on Bandcamp and save 35%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Poor Thing!, Losel Vila, Let it buffer. Forever, BLP, Ponyoak 20th Anniversary Edition, Past Blasts, cocolopez, White Lacuna, and 17 more. , and , .

    Excludes supporter-only releases.

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      $163.79 USD or more (35% OFF)

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My inauthentic self
crawled back into its shell.
Couldn't tell you how the critics felt,
but it's still selling pretty well!

The past just pales. But
drop by some time, blow a few rails.
Maybe I'll whip out the cat-o-nine-tails.
Blood'll trump skin because one must fail. What?

A three-word cri de coeur: Wow.
Much history. Still needs such work.
Suppose some succeed and others suck dirt.
Keep your ghosts out of my machine, motherfucker.

Well, it's overwhelming –
the psychic haze is hardly helping.
Some telepath! Fill a glass and tell me.
The silence is sick, fat, and unhealthy.
Never mind me, jeez, I'm just venting –
punk's not dead, GG's just resting.
The intellectual elite is still digesting
the Internet, and actually, we have a few questions.

Sunrise Manor, Sunset Strip.
Golden hour glamour, unblemished.
If you had a claw-hammer, the judges’d be split.
Look into the camera and tell me what you miss.

For me, my problem is
I got too much collateral to gamble with.
I probably shoulda stuck to making sandwiches;
the auslanders love my outlandishness.

Reno. Locals casino.
PowerPoint crashed so I'll freeball the keynote.
These folks don't even believe in TV shows.
Sweat beads thick as Fimo – let the dream go.

A rose is a rose is a rose
is a rose gold ring gonna change you? No.
There's no such thing as behavior, believe –
analysis is king, big data is queen.
By my count, too many viscounts: 16,
if you include Mystery and Walt Disney.
Narcissus in a Sisyphean dream: blinded
the second he catches his reflection in the stream.


from The Comedy Album, released October 28, 2016


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Kleenex Girl Wonder New York, New York

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